Here

     Some people experience such unbelievably huge and horrific loss in their lives that I have no idea how they cope. Losses like the death of a child or the murder, suicide or accidental death of a beloved are too painful to imagine. For some, the end of a marriage is also a death of sorts: a loss of hopes and dreams, a betrayal that is inconceivable. Of course deaths like these happen every day and every day the loved ones left behind must try to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other. The weight of such pain is unfathomable and profoundly personal. No one's experience mirrors another's regardless of the similarity of circumstance. There is no "I know just how you feel....".
     I can often feel helpless in the face of such overwhelming grief and sadness. What should I say? There seems to be no words. What can I do? I want to do something. There are refrigerators full of casseroles that testify to such a desire in others as well.
     Eventually there is support in the form of bereavement and support groups, hospice volunteers and even counselling, if appropriate. In the meantime, all I can say is "I'm here." Then all I can do is be there, be present, be quiet and listen.

Stones

     Our daughter has a nice habit of picking up a colourful or interesting stone for me when she takes one of the dogs for a walk. This doesn't happen often of course, given her history with seizures. When it does happen though, it is a good reminder to me of her efforts to be independent but still think of others. And I have a small collection of pretty or unusual rocks. When we go away on a trip our daughter makes sure to bring her wonderful friend and bus driver extraordinaire an interesting stone. She too must have a nice little collection of her own.
     As our daughter's time at high school winds down to the last couple of months, I have been thinking of what a difference this woman has made to our daughter's years there. We would never have known this fun, friendly and supportive person if it were not for our daughter taking the little bus, the special needs bus, to school every day. Folks like her and the kind woman in the Youth Centre at school make such a difference not just to individuals but to entire families. The quality of all of our lives is made better by the caring and acceptance that our daughter experiences from them. I am not sure if they understand the impact that their smiles and warmth have on lonely students but it is huge. And I would like to say again, "Thank you Robyn and Fil! You are awesome!"