Dear Dad,
You're getting on...I know this because you gave me your D. H. Lawrence collection. Thirty-nine books, most of them by him, some just about him, are mine now. You did it casually, just asking in the middle of another conversation if I would like them. I said yes of course. I might be worried except you have been getting rid of a lot of possessions lately. I think that if Mum weren't still alive you might be living in an almost empty house. She likes to keep things and you like to give them away....
Your admiration for D. H. Lawrence started just after I left home. I was about seventeen years old. I seem to remember that you took a continuing education course in English Literature and fell in love with his ideas about love. You had grown up in England at a time when he was considered a very controversial writer. One or two of his books may of even been banned. I remember a difficult conversation about that one night after I brought my college English professor home for dinner. Suffice it to say that my teacher's opinion of Lawrence did not endear him to either one of you at the time.
Your admiration for D. H. Lawrence started just after I left home. I was about seventeen years old. I seem to remember that you took a continuing education course in English Literature and fell in love with his ideas about love. You had grown up in England at a time when he was considered a very controversial writer. One or two of his books may of even been banned. I remember a difficult conversation about that one night after I brought my college English professor home for dinner. Suffice it to say that my teacher's opinion of Lawrence did not endear him to either one of you at the time.
I also hold Lawrence in high regard. His writing is forthright, beautiful and honest. It was the first writing about love, sex and class that I remember reading. The glimpses he gives into other's lives at other times and in other worlds are exceptionally clear and unapologetic.
Anyway I left home and ended up in Louisiana married and apparently allergic to fire ant stings. An anaphylactic experience sealed the deal when I almost died. And so my husband and I came back to Canada. I clearly remember you and I going to see the film "Lady Chatterley's Lover" in Calgary. It was the first 18+ movie I had ever seen. I remember wondering aloud if they would check my identification. You laughed at the idea because I was so obviously attending the film with my father, according to you. The film was beautiful, real and vivid and honest; I loved it. I bought a copy of it on VHS as soon as I could and watched it many times.
The fact that you are giving away your most long-kept and precious books and the apparent relief it gives you that they were wanted by a family member tells me that you are looking at the end. We all look at the end from time to time but I would imagine that being in your late eighties gives you a particularly close vantage point. I know that you aren't afraid to die. Your faith gives you answers to any questions about what comes next. I know your own parents turned to God when your eighteen year old younger brother Michael committed suicide. Your life was not always easy especially at the beginning but according to you, you have been blessed: a strong marriage, five children, many grandchildren and great grandchildren, an interesting engineering career and good health.
I just wanted to tell you that you have been a wonderful father--- a great dad and a good friend. Even when we didn't agree on things (many things as I recall in my teenage years) you have always been there for me and for that I am forever grateful. And every book that I pick up for the rest of my life will remind me of you, no matter the author and that is a gift for which I could never thank you enough.
I love you Dad!
