On Mother's Day our younger daughter handed me a handmade card that read: "To the best mama ever! You treat us like every day is Children's Day." What a nice compliment.... When I received my handmade Mother's Day card from our eldest daughter I read it out loud: "To the best mum ever." I hugged my daughter and then she said "You're my only mum and I want it to stay that way." From your lips to God's ears....
Saturday 25 May 2013
Friday 24 May 2013
Wanted
Today while we were at Children's Hospital, both the doctor and the nurse asked my daughter about friends, now that she is in high school. Her responses were vague, quiet and not positive. I already knew the answers but my heart felt silent for a moment while I listened and then it resumed: quieter, slower and with an ache. The sensation in my chest has been there ever since my children were born--- every step they take away from me brings loss, but this is accompanied with pride in their developing independence. There are moments though, as a mother, that are quite sad and this is one of them for me.
Later I ran into one of my daughter's previous SEA's at the school she now works at and we talked briefly about friendship. As she pointed out, it would only take one--- one friend, one person with whom there is a special connection, to paint this picture differently. But that person has not been met yet, or has not yet been identified and so the answer remains the same. No, not really, not yet, not so much....
You cannot make friends for your children but you can show them, by example, what it is to be a friend. I am no expert. Girlfriend friendships have always been difficult for me. Honestly, I usually preferred friendships with boys because they seemed easier to navigate, with fewer landmines to steer around. I do know though that in order to have a friend, you must be a friend. Easier said than done, easier done when things are good--- not so, when times are tough. Harder still when social skills are developing.
If I could put in a request for her it would say: Wanted: Friend, must be kind. No experience necessary. All applicants welcomed. Can start immediately.
Later I ran into one of my daughter's previous SEA's at the school she now works at and we talked briefly about friendship. As she pointed out, it would only take one--- one friend, one person with whom there is a special connection, to paint this picture differently. But that person has not been met yet, or has not yet been identified and so the answer remains the same. No, not really, not yet, not so much....
You cannot make friends for your children but you can show them, by example, what it is to be a friend. I am no expert. Girlfriend friendships have always been difficult for me. Honestly, I usually preferred friendships with boys because they seemed easier to navigate, with fewer landmines to steer around. I do know though that in order to have a friend, you must be a friend. Easier said than done, easier done when things are good--- not so, when times are tough. Harder still when social skills are developing.
If I could put in a request for her it would say: Wanted: Friend, must be kind. No experience necessary. All applicants welcomed. Can start immediately.
Tuesday 7 May 2013
Relationships
Relationships are enormously difficult aren't they? Whether they are with your partner, your neighbour, your family or your dog sometimes they are just ridiculously hard. Why are they like that? Shouldn't like-minded individuals be content to be together? Because...and yes and no. The point is that there is no simple way to get along when people are involved. Whether it is our genetic make-up, our baggage or our mood that particular day, there are just so many variables that it is not easy for everything to be smooth every minute. And unfortunately for us all, it is so comfortable to judge, to be hard on each other because sometimes being that way means that we are just being ourselves. Or so we say.
I love the old gem, "Treat your family like friends and your friends like family." It seems to me that I find it quite effortless to say things to my immediate family that I would never say to friends. They would think me rude! On the other hand, I do find it easier to extend the comforts of family to close friends. For me, it is much harder to treat my relatives as if they were my friends. There is something to be said for being your real authentic self with the folks you live with but what becomes of our manners, our kindness, our compassion for those closest to us....
How do we find a way to treat the folks we highly value and live with, with the same affection and respect that we give the people we value and don't live with every day of our life? "Familiarity breeds contempt." wrote Aesop. Does it or is it just that our family members see us at our lowest--- when we are tired, hungry, bored, frustrated, lonely and sometimes despairing.
What is a friend? In the age of Facebook, it seems that friends are something that many of us have hundreds of. Real friendship is the family that we choose, rather than the one we are born into. I am blessed to have a wonderful family and stellar friends. What more could anyone ask for?
I love the old gem, "Treat your family like friends and your friends like family." It seems to me that I find it quite effortless to say things to my immediate family that I would never say to friends. They would think me rude! On the other hand, I do find it easier to extend the comforts of family to close friends. For me, it is much harder to treat my relatives as if they were my friends. There is something to be said for being your real authentic self with the folks you live with but what becomes of our manners, our kindness, our compassion for those closest to us....
How do we find a way to treat the folks we highly value and live with, with the same affection and respect that we give the people we value and don't live with every day of our life? "Familiarity breeds contempt." wrote Aesop. Does it or is it just that our family members see us at our lowest--- when we are tired, hungry, bored, frustrated, lonely and sometimes despairing.
What is a friend? In the age of Facebook, it seems that friends are something that many of us have hundreds of. Real friendship is the family that we choose, rather than the one we are born into. I am blessed to have a wonderful family and stellar friends. What more could anyone ask for?
Sunday 5 May 2013
Towed
It's nice to know that after 40 years of driving that I can still learn a thing or two. Apparently if you park too close to the corner in Vancouver you get a $50.00 ticket. ($50.00 if you pay it right away, $150.00 if you don't. ) Also if you get a ticket, you must also be towed to Buster's Towing Yard and pay $84.15 plus tax to have your car returned to you.
It was alleged that I did "stop within 6 metres of the nearest edge of the closest sidewalk on an intersecting street." Still you don't want to let a little thing like having your car towed mar your evening. But it did. It wasn't so much the large amount of money or the colossal waste of time or the damper it put on the evening as much as the horrible, sick feeling I got when I looked down from my friend's balcony and saw that my car was not where I had parked it. My mouth got dry and my heart started beating loudly. Where was my car?
The funny thing was was that we had walked to a nearby restaurant, put up with yelling at each other because it was so noisy, walked around the neighbourhood some more and sat outside on the deck on the other side of the building. We were so close to where I had parked my car the entire evening but had no inkling that it had disappeared until right before I left. Luckily, my friend was wise to the antics of parking by-law enforcers and knew right where the lot was and it too, was very close. No big deal, right?
When you are celebrating your 20 year Friend-iversary, with a very valued and important friend, you cannot let a little thing like a car towing ruin your good time. Just look at it as an impromptu lesson that enhances your 40 year driving skills. Or lack thereof.
It was alleged that I did "stop within 6 metres of the nearest edge of the closest sidewalk on an intersecting street." Still you don't want to let a little thing like having your car towed mar your evening. But it did. It wasn't so much the large amount of money or the colossal waste of time or the damper it put on the evening as much as the horrible, sick feeling I got when I looked down from my friend's balcony and saw that my car was not where I had parked it. My mouth got dry and my heart started beating loudly. Where was my car?
The funny thing was was that we had walked to a nearby restaurant, put up with yelling at each other because it was so noisy, walked around the neighbourhood some more and sat outside on the deck on the other side of the building. We were so close to where I had parked my car the entire evening but had no inkling that it had disappeared until right before I left. Luckily, my friend was wise to the antics of parking by-law enforcers and knew right where the lot was and it too, was very close. No big deal, right?
When you are celebrating your 20 year Friend-iversary, with a very valued and important friend, you cannot let a little thing like a car towing ruin your good time. Just look at it as an impromptu lesson that enhances your 40 year driving skills. Or lack thereof.
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