Now

     At this point in the year, Christmas is everywhere. It started way too early for my liking, but that's another post. Winter can be a stressful time of year for everyone but also a time of great joy and togetherness. If we are alone we feel our loneliness more keenly; if we are with people we love, our love can feel rare and magnified. It can be a season of great highs and deep lows. It may be a time of unmet expectations or a time of dreams come true. Such extremes!

     In December, I am more aware of my idiosyncrasies: I like to get my cards out early, I want to get my shopping done in a efficient way, I find the crowds disconcerting and parking, a pain. There are way too many fattening chocolate treats around and my favourite turkey dinner is fortunately or unfortunately, in great supply. 
     At the same time, it is a great time to acknowledge and appreciate my loved ones. It is also a wonderful time for me to look around and notice the beauty and majesty of our surroundings. And the music--- when I am at church my heart is in my throat; all my favourite Christmas carols evoke such memories of Christmases past and hearing our daughters sing these joyous songs brings me such pleasure!           

     All is not right in the world. There is war, hunger and hate. But we can pray for peace, plenty and hope and that is my wish for you this season....Merry Christmas! And every good wish for your new year!   

Remembrance

     A gorgeously sunny Remembrance Day inspired memories of other Remembrance Days; my favourite one, when I had just found out that I was pregnant with our older daughter. It seemed to me that day that anything was possible and that this one would make it, finally. And she did, miraculously, amazingly, she made it. And my life was made gorgeous, always and forever.
     But Remembrance Day is not about babies or my babies anyway. It is about the men and women who have died protecting us, many of them, very young themselves. These folks stood up for us and our way of life and proclaimed it worth dying for. And many of them did die. So despite the happy memories my heart is heavy on Remembrance Day: always full of pride and gratitude for the country I live in and the people who died protecting it and sad that they are no longer with us.
    And now two days later there is another series of terrible attacks, this time in Paris, France. My heart goes out to the families and friends of all those who died or were injured in those cowardly acts of terror. I am sure that people the world over are holding their loved ones a little tighter today. When the world is mourning the way it is right now, all our grief from all our losses comes forward to be recognized. And we remember them, we remember them....

Sisters

     As a parent there is nothing more wonderful than seeing your children interact with each other in a gentle, loving manner. It can almost be surprising to witness this type of exchange, particularly when they were mercilessly, endlessly squabbling just minutes ago. It can hopefully give you a glimpse into their future relationship and makes the whole world seem like a more peaceful, caring place. I came across our daughters chatting with one another while one was taking a bath. Earlier one daughter had given the other a "makeover" and they had so much fun with it that you could not imagine a harsh word between them again. Just wait five minutes!
     When one of your children has extraordinary needs, your typical child must grow up faster. In our case our younger child has had to learn to care for and look after her older sister. She has timed seizures, brought medication and replenished water. The tables are turned, birth order becomes irrelevant and that does not always seem fair or right. A workshop a friend had recently attended featured a panel of siblings of special needs kids. One of the comments from a panel-member that stood out for her was the desire to have had a typical sibling as well as their special needs sibling: someone to share their experience with, to bounce ideas around, to talk about their lives. Those things are harder to do with a developmentally challenged brother or sister who may not want to or be able to engage in such philosophical or existential discussions.
     When I witness the love and affection that exists between our daughters I am gladdened and not so worried. As an older parent I am more than concerned about our additional needs child. I can save money for her future but who will look out for her, support her, give her help when I am gone? These are questions that I suppose must be left in God's capable hands. What cheers me is looking around my own kitchen table and realizing that He will have some help.

Better

   

     Our daughter seems to be having these very small, very short complex partial seizures which are over in a minute or less. Unfortunately these call into question a couple of falls that she had this summer; we now suspect that they were more of these tiny seizures. The good thing about them is that they are not the massively dangerous, drop-to-the-ground five minute tonic clinic seizures that have dominated our daughter's life with epilepsy. The bad thing is that they are seizures and they are still happening. And of course, if she is standing at the time they occur, she falls, which can be very serious. She has been fortunate not to have broken any bones or teeth so far. Even so our daughter is disheartened by having to start counting the days again. As a sixteen year old she has dreams of buying and driving her own car; she has had a bank account for that express purpose ever since we can remember. So starting over at being one day seizure-free is quite depressing but she is not down for long. Our daughter is wonderfully cheerful despite her challenges.
     The good news is that Special Olympics has brought with it, along with the fun and exercise of a weekly sports game, the chance for new and lasting friendships. Our daughter is always encouraged, despite everything, by the positive aspects of her life. Fortunately for her and all of us in her circle, she views her life as a gift; it is a wealth of possibility with every day full of the ability to be better.

Together

     When a child has a chronic health issue and/or learning disability or special needs of any type, it is common for him to feel and to be perceived as different. He can often feel excluded from some of the typical activities of childhood: play dates, sleep-overs, birthday parties and later, hang-outs, trips to the mall, proms, dances and other parties. This can be heart-rending. In the past we often invited girls over but they always seemed to end up playing with our typical daughter who is four years younger. High school is problematic; our daughter finds girls hard to approach or maintain a relationship with; sometimes boys are easier but that comes with its own set of challenges. Sometimes the child self-excludes; our daughter never got enough sleep at the sleep-overs she was invited to so she decided not to attend them. A boy we know goes to the library every day, sits in front of a computer, headphones on and blocks everything and everyone else out for the remainder of his lunch period.
     There are islands of acceptance out there. As I have already written, Special Olympics and Challenger Baseball are marvelous for the friendship, team-building, competence and inclusion that they provide. Our daughter loves them! Places like Semiahmoo House in our community offer a wide range of programs for developmentally challenged kids, teens and young adults. Church youth groups and the local children's choir are accepting; the adults in charge model inclusion and acceptance but that sometimes does not carry over into real, more-than-one-day-a-week actual friendship.
     Let's face it, extraordinary needs kids are different. How they are typical is the way in which they hunger for friendship, connection, a bond of understanding which says: "I like you and want to spend time with you, enjoying the things we like to do. Together. " If only it was as simple as it sounds.

Team

     For three years our daughter has been in high school, in a program for kids like her, in the care of some pretty amazing teachers and aids. A recent assessment concluded what we already knew: our daughter is in the right place there. It's not always easy to find a place where a extraordinary needs child can get along, much less flourish. I know that well enough by reading the posts in the various parent groups I am part of on Facebook. All over the world folks are struggling to find accessible education for their children that is meaningful and inclusive. Fortunately for us, that is not an issue.
     The caring and competent women who make up our daughter's team work hard to ensure that she is safe, organized and learning every day. We cannot imagine how our daughter would get through her school day without them. Whether they are assisting her in class or ensuring that she is safe during a seizure, they do an incredible job. My husband and I could not be happier with the education our daughter is getting at our local high school. The only thing that would make it better is if that shiny new high school they keep promising us would get built. But even in the old overcrowded one, our team is the best and we know it.

Stress

   

     I always worry when I make statements like this because they invariably become null and void the minute they are out of my mouth but here goes. Our daughter has only had one seizure so far this summer vacation. One! And it was so small that I might not have seen it except I was sitting at the kitchen table with her when it occurred. It was a tiny, short complex partial seizure; she froze in mid-sentence and it was over within a minute. No convulsions, no falling to the floor, just freezing and then not. Post-ictal recovery was brief and immediate. It almost might not have happened except it did and I saw it.
     The cause of the seizure was probably pre-camp jitters; that day our daughter was off to Zajac Ranch for Kids for the second time and that was probably the trigger. Being away from familiar surroundings can make anyone a little nervous. Our daughter loves the week at epilepsy camp--- a chance to hang out with other girls with similar health issues, be a little more independent and enjoy the fun activities the counsellors and the ranch provide there. We as a family appreciate immeasurably the opportunity that she has to participate in this wonderful week of camp and we cannot thank Zajac Ranch for Kids or The Center for Epilepsy and Seizure Education in B.C. enough.
     It may turn out that stress and particularly school stress is a large part of why our daughter was having so many seizures in the past year. And if that is the case we may have to make some changes in the way she approaches her school year. Anti-anxiety practices may have to be observed. Or it may be that the two medications that she is taking are finally at a dose that will successfully control her seizures. And our daughter has had so many people praying for her! Whatever the cause of the lull in seizure activity, we are grateful. And I just hope that I haven't spoken too soon.....

Quilt

     When is a gift more than just a gift? I would say that when it is big, purple, beautiful, handmade and cozy and when it makes a big girl feel like a princess again. That is more than a gift; that is love made tangible, made real---- it is an always available hug, ready when needed night or day.
     I think that gift giving is one of the blessings of this life. Sometimes we buy presents hurriedly, without much thought and throw them in a gift bag on our way out the door. And that's alright of course; we've all done it. I do take pleasure though in finding the perfect thing and giving it to the perfect person especially if I know that they will like it as much as I do. And if I can do that within the parameters of my budget, so much the better.
     Sometimes though we receive a gift so thoughtful, so huge that we are blown away. And such is the case today, with our daughter receiving a gorgeous, full-size, majestically purple quilt made especially for her for her 16th birthday. It was made by a favourite auntie who always finds a way to make these amazing creations and bestow them upon unsuspecting family members at the perfect time. The fact that she can find time to sew like this when she teaches full-time, keeps a spotless and happy home and feeds us all at all the special occasions is incredible to me. That she is a wonderfully loving daughter, sister, mother and aunt is not hard to believe. That is who she is.
    So today our daughter has a treasure that she will cherish always. And when a gift like that is received the best thing that we can do is wrap ourselves up in all that love and enjoy; just savour that great big hug, smile and say thank you.

   
     

Things

     While having a mammogram yesterday I saw this quote in the bathroom, "The best things in life aren't things." It seems to me that when I most need a little nudge in the right direction towards gratitude, courage or even humility, I get it. Mammograms are stressful for me given my mother's history with breast cancer so the seven little words on the washroom wall were a calming reminder of what really matters in life.
     My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer at almost the same time I learned that I was pregnant with our eldest child. It was at that same time that my father decided that they should downsize and moved them from a half acre property to an ocean view home with a handkerchief-size back yard. At that time my sense was that my dad wanted to simplify their lives as much as possible by removing all the extra maintenance a large yard requires as well as giving my mother a beautiful landscape to enjoy while healing from the trauma of breast cancer surgery and treatment. At that time he definitely knew that "things" were not important.
     Our daughter continues to have seizures. The medications do not seem to be working and so we have been asked to consider other options, surgery being one of them. My anger and  frustration at the unfairness of this life for our daughter continues to play a loop through my head. Our daughter assures me that God has a plan for her. A huge maroon truck with "God is Love" painted in big letters on the cab door is the reminder that I am delivered while at the corner of Highway 15 and life.
     Apparently Art Buchwald, American journalist and humourist is responsible for the gem on the bathroom wall. Never more that right now, I know how right he was in every way. We are one week seizure free. Today is another day.

Hands Up

     We have just been in the arms of our Club Med family. From Nicola, the chief of Club Med Cancun to Gabriela, the woman who kept our rooms spotless, we were treated like honoured friends. We went there to be with actual family and friends; this was a luxurious holiday arranged by a cherished cousin who works for Club Med. As a group of ninety three folks we were everywhere, all over the village---- eating, snorkeling, lounging, swimming, doing trapeze, painting crafts, water-skiing, wind-surfing, scuba diving, tennis lessons---we were there. Everywhere we went, all our needs were satisfied, all our desires granted. The stunning beach, the amazing facilities and the food alone would have kept us coming back but it was the people there that made it such a treat.
     Hamlet waited on us beautifully at the dinner buffet, Jose was attentive at breakfast, Ali kept us fit in the pool, Cedric made us laugh, Erick looked after us at the front desk, Sergio kept us hydrated at poolside (and not just with water)--- it truly was paradise.
     In all our Club Med experiences, we have had the feeling of being treated like treasured guests; these people really know how to make you feel welcome. From the minute we were dropped off at the door, our luggage was secured and we were handed cool towels and cold drinks. We briefly toured the village on the way to our rooms and after that, all we wanted to do was hit the pool.....and so we did. We had a beautiful, relaxing, seamlessly organized and social time; we made some new friends and reconnected with some old ones. It could not have been a more marvelous vacation. The only low note was having to say "au revoir".

Challenge

     Our daughter is really enjoying Challenger Baseball. The teams consist of a wide age range and a variety of  physical challenges and learning disorders. The point is that when all the kids get together, none of it matters. Our daughter has met some of the kindest and friendliest kids ever; they remember her name and cheer her on in a way that makes her feel great. There is no embarrassment or teasing when it takes a while to get a hit. Everybody gets to hit, everybody get to run around the bases, everybody gets to feel like a winner for once; there is no being the last one picked. It is noncompetitive but it is fully fun.
     Every kid deserves to play; it is the work of childhood after all. Our society makes winning a prerogative but fortunately these days it also makes play the right of every child, regardless of their developmental challenges. We never thought that we would see our daughter enjoy softball the way that she does; she loves it! And what could be better than that? Batter up!

Special O

     Our daughter recently joined the Special Olympics and the Challenger Baseball programs as ways of making new connections, learning new skills and making new friends. Although she has only been involved for a couple of months, it is a mission accomplished. We have met some very fine people and our daughter has had a lot of fun. I only wish that we had known about these programs years ago.
     I already can see that the success that our daughter has had on the ball field and in the gym have added to her confidence and sense of self. She feels like she can try hard, do well and enjoy time with peers who also have their own challenges. There is no explaining necessary, no embarrassment at all--- we are all on a level playing field and fun is the only goal.
     I want to thank the wonderful families that volunteer and support their siblings, children and others in the gym and on the ball field. They are truly an exceptional group of people whom I admire greatly and consider the true heroes of this world; those who selflessly and unconditionally serve others with respect, humility and love.

Swim

     Our eldest daughter and I went swimming with another mum and her son who is autistic. We met at Special O and I enjoyed her company immensely; her son is also a very nice person. Autism is quite similar to Nonverbal Learning Disorder in many ways but also dissimilar in so many other ways. I do not know a lot about autism but I have certainly met many kids on the spectrum and of course I know our daughter. What seemed most important to me when the four of us went swimming was that we were doing something we liked to do and we were doing it together. Our daughter talks a great deal about many things; her friend gave mostly one word answers except when talking about dinosaurs or art. My friend is a nurse, a working mother, from a country I know little about. But when four people get together, to get to know one another and to do something they enjoy, anything can happen. Even friendship.

People

     For once this post isn't about our children. It's about other people's children and their parents. Sometimes you have no idea of what people have to struggle with on a daily basis, what it takes for them just to get out of bed every day and face their challenges. It can be substance abuse, depression, other mental or chronic illness, learning differences, relationship heartache, body pain, you name it----- folks are dealing with it. And you have no idea at all and they are doing it alone.
     A man I know is facing huge health issues and still he goes to work everyday just happy to have work to go to and to be alive. Many of his old friends didn't make it. His wife and child also have challenges of their own. This family makes me realize how blessed we are, how fortunate. When this man smiles at me and thanks me for our prayers, my hope is renewed. We are all in this together.
     So be glad. Maybe this describes your life but maybe it doesn't. Smile. Buy someone a coffee. Take a minute to talk. Ask a person "How's it going?". Maybe they will tell you the truth and maybe they won't but at the very least they will know you care. And that is what it is all about, isn't it?

Yellow

     My husband and I have been blessed with two beautiful daughters, both as lovely on the inside as they are on the outside. The inner being matters much more to us obviously and we have not been disappointed. They are kind, generous, helpful, considerate and caring, even towards each other! They are not like this every minute of every day of course but everyone is grumpy once in a while, aren't they?
     I believe that children are not a blank slate when they are born; they have a default setting if you like and ours just happen to be set at "nice". We know how fortunate we are in this regard; juvenile detention is full of kids not quite as positively aligned. Of course desperation, wrong time, wrong place and bad choices can send great people on a crooked path. That could still happen to our girls but today, here and now I know that they are good girls: caring citizens with what we consider to be decent values.
     Our eldest has been sleep deprived, hooked up to machines and spending 24 hours a day with me, her dotty old mother, for 5 days. Still she is a ray of sunshine, a warm and pleasant being even in trying circumstances. Her golden yellow light shines for all to see and we are warmed by her peaceful presence. This afternoon I want to whisper in her ear, "Sleep my darling, sleep, for tomorrow is another day and we have much to do."

                                                        Photo: Jamie Smith Studio

Hospital

     Our daughter and I are spending five days in the Neurosciences ward at BCCH. It is a busy place with full parking lots, crowded elevators and bustling families going here and there. The EEG video monitoring that our daughter has to undergo is in the hope that we might find out why she is having so many seizures. Her antiepileptic medication is reduced in order to prompt seizure activity. The location of the seizures' origin will also be very useful information.
     It is a surreal experience to more or less drop out of your everyday life and step into a hospital room where your child is consigned to a bed for five days. It is also bizarre to want your child to have seizures but that's what I am doing: praying for a seizure or three. So strange! That everyone here is kind and helpful could go without saying but I will say it--- everyone is incredible. And if ever you are feeling sorry for yourself, come grab a coffee and look around. You will know immediately how lucky you are, how blessed you are to have such small worries. Hundreds of children here are dealing with life and death issues every minute of every day. All I have to do is watch one child have a least one seizure. No worries.

Why

 

 

     Whenever our daughter hears stories of young people abusing drugs or alcohol, she has a hard time wondering why they would do such a thing. Our daughter would give anything to trade places with an NT (neuro-typical) girl. She recently came to realize that she often feels envious of her little sister for being "normal" as well as smart, thin and beautiful. That any typical kid would take chances with their life, health and safety just to drink or drug themselves into oblivion is beyond our daughter's understanding. Why?
     Of course everyone's life is relative. Neuro-typical kids have problems too. The only thing is they don't have the massive, life-altering reality of a neurological disorder which shapes every aspect of their being from motor and spatial issues to social difficulties, not to mention seizures which can and do occur at any time. And I bet they have a friend or two to share time with. Perhaps a day in someone else's shoes would halt their self-destructive tendencies....and maybe not. As our daughter would say, "That's sad."

Village

     Whoever said that it takes a village to raise a child was not wrong. In the life of a chronically ill and/or challenged child, it certainly does. One of the people who make a difference in our daughter's life is the kind lady that drives the "special-needs" bus. She is one of the people that makes our daughter's life easier by driving her door to door every single day of the school year. Our daughter has had a difficult year with more and more seizures, medication ups and downs, illness and mood difficulties but this nice person is a friendly constant in a world of change.
     Our daughter reports much about her day; it is an aspect of her learning disability that she debriefs with me every afternoon most of what she experiences. This is part of the reason that it is so important that I am here when she comes home from school every day. She needs to do this recount of the day's events and I welcome the opportunity to listen. Most days I hear something nice about this wonderful lady who drives our daughter's bus. We laughingly call it her yellow limousine because she is often the only student on it. There is not a day that goes by that we do not realize how fortunate our daughter is to chat, to laugh, to ride and to spend time with this lovely person. As our daughter would say " 'bye Robyn, love ya!"

Difference

     Every morning at 7 a.m., 6 little pills, every evening at 7 p.m., the same thing, 6 little pills. That's what it takes for our daughter to get through every day seizure-free and even then that is not guaranteed. We are one week seizure-free and giving thanks. The seizures get shorter and milder and one day they will disappear either because the medication is "right" or our daughter has out-grown them. That is still a possibility we pray for every day.
     After another great Purple Day, I am so grateful that we are living now instead of 100 years ago. Now there are options: medication, diets, surgery, seizure dogs, various therapies. Now there is acceptance and inquisitive school children asking thoughtful questions at assemblies designed to inform and educate them. There are local newspapers articles giving sensitive coverage of our daughter's presentation. There is nation-wide and even world-wide awareness of this very common brain disorder. According to Epilepsy Canada, every day 42 people in Canada learn that they have epilepsy. Maybe you are one of those people or know one of those people. As our daughter said in her Purple Day presentation, " I want people to know that if you have epilepsy, you are not alone. Together we can make a difference." Yes you can.

Break

     Unlike many students, our girls get two weeks of Spring Break; two weeks of time away from school  and most after-school activities to spend as they like. Many families travel...we usually spend the time at home and travel at less busy times of the year. Our girls have spent the time in the usual ways: crafts, television, computer, reading, shopping, exercise and the ever popular squabbling. To be honest, not much of the latter and certainly not enough exercise but a fairly balanced couple of weeks, all in all. With our soon-to-be-twelve year old's birthday around the corner and our nearly-sixteen year old's looming in the not-too-distant future, I am again and always reminded of the fleeting quality of time. I had heard older people in the past say that the passing of time accelerates as you age but I realize now that these people were probably only about fifty years old when they made this observation and I am now well past that golden marker. Anyway those folks were right! I am tired of saying "Where does the time go?" but really, where does it go....

     Due to my own particular set of challenges, I try to be a day-at-a-time kind of person. Regardless of your personal agenda though, time flies unless you are in an awful predicament like a long-distance relationship or prison and then it tends to crawl by. Either way, it is out of our hands and all we can do is spend it either smiling or squabbling and know that the first Monday after Spring Break will show up, one way or another.

Jonny

     Over the years I have enjoyed a ton of music but none as much as the music of Jonny Lang. I first heard the hit "Lie to Me" in 1997 and have been a huge fan ever since. I remember being stunned that such a huge voice could come out of such a skinny young guy. Jonny's spiritual journey has parallelled mine in many ways and this kinship of sorts solidified my appreciation of him and his craft. Last night's concert at the Hard Rock Casino was amazing and made me realize that I need to get out more. I couldn't remember the last time I had been out with my little sister and we had a great time. Jonny and his band, an exceptionally gifted group of musicians, quietly took the stage and kept us happy for almost two and a half hours. They played new songs, old favourites, the hits and did some incredible solos. I forgot my woes (such as they are) and immersed myself in the pleasure of watching and hearing great musicians doing what they do best. My only complaint is that I would like to see Jonny play in a place that I could take my girls to (casinos don't allow minors.) They would love to see him; after all they grew up listening to him. God bless you Jonny Lang---you made this old girl really happy for a few hours! I can't wait 'til you and your band are back in town!

Blessing

     After our daughter's last seizure and subsequent concussion I sat down and wrote a letter to our families to let them know what had been going on with her. We had been so out of touch! It had been a hectic time with a bunch of seizures, medication changes, colds & illness, doctor's appointments, missed commitments, sleepless nights....you name it. Everyone needed an update and our daughter needed everyone's prayers and positive thoughts. The subsequent out-pouring of familial love was maybe what you would expect from a couple of great, relatively large families. What I did not expect was how I would feel after witnessing this flurry of emails and phone calls; how loved she is --- genuinely, completely and unconditionally. Whether it was a list of emails from our daughter's godmother, the string of photos from St. Lucia sent by my vacationing brother, the lunch dates at school arranged by a caring cousin or the prayer chains immediately notified in the South-West United States as well as in the North-East, it was love. And it was kind, helpful, load-lightening and breath-easing. Our daughter is walking with a lighter step and a bigger smile. It's not over of course; there are still headaches and we still deal with the threat of seizures every day but our daughter feels even more loved than she did before and that is a blessing. Thank you!

Best

     Another difficult aspect of life with extraordinary needs children is the judgement of well-meaning yet ignorant folks who think they know all about our life. Yes, my priorities are skewed...my #1 focus is our chronically ill and challenged child. Everything else will come second or third or maybe even fourth on my list. That's it. You don't know about our lives or what it takes for our child to get through every day. Please don't think that your negative commentary is helpful. What our family needs is people who raise us up, who lighten our load, not folks who think they know what is best. What is best is what we are aiming for: prayerfully, intentionally, making our way a day at a time, the best way we can, with the help of each other and the people who truly are our family and our friends. God willing, we take it a step at a time; with love, with patience, with kindness we will make it.

Love

     I have a friend whose husband was recently killed while walking their dog at night. She is someone I used to work with.  My friend is now facing life without her husband. Their son who is grown is now without a dad. They must pursue a life changed forever.  I learned about the accident through social media and have witnessed the tremendous outpouring of support for their family. They are loved.

     The workplace setting that we met in was hospice; our work was helping children, youth and adults with loss. It makes sense to me that my friend and I met while working for hospice. She is a lovely, nurturing woman, gentle in all her dealings with others but not afraid to ask the hard questions. With a nursing background and her own personal skill set she seemed especially in tune with grieving children. For me hospice was an amazing job, one that I could never imagine leaving except for the even more amazing job of motherhood. Part of the reason that it was such marvelous work was the perspective gained by such close contact with death. You learned day after day, person after person, loss after loss to stay caught up with your "I love yous". Every day you saw that in the blink of an eye, life as you knew it could be over and that if you were lucky or blessed or healthy enough, there might be another chapter for you, maybe. It was not always easy but it was intense, real and terribly satisfying.
     My friend wrote about the amazing support she and her son have received since the accident and the tremendous honour that was bestowed on her late husband by the huge congregation of firefighters at his memorial service. She also wrote an incredibly wise piece of advice:

"Hold your loved ones. Say what you need to say. In a strange yet perfect way  we had all of the 'right' conversations over the past few years. No regrets. Always more to say, yet the most important things were said." 
     My friend, her son and the rest of their family and their firefighter family must pursue a life forever changed. It will not be easy I'm sure but they will do it. No regrets. 

Brodie

     Our 16 year old dog Brodie was hit by a car last night and died. We are all sad and will miss him.  He was very old so we knew our time with him was limited. He was a nice dog although he took his property-guarding and his country-doorbell responsibilities a little too seriously at times. Man, that dog could bark! He even let us know when there was a car heading up our neighbour's driveway.
     There was a little fierce streak in Brodie that was not always under control. He knew if anyone had had a bad experience with a dog; he picked up on their fear instantly and chose these unlucky folks to nip or show his teeth to. We have neighbours that we have not seen in years because Brodie kept them at a distance. It was a problem that we were not always sure how to deal with.
     The other issue he had was staying at home. The folks we got him from had put an ad in the paper: Free to a good home. They had planned to go into cattle ranching and unfortunately for them the deal fell through. They lived in a ocean view property in White Rock and Dee-oh-gee as they had named him (Yes, it spells dog)  was not going to be happy there, they feared. At the time we were leasing 70 acres which seemed like the perfect place for Brodie as we renamed him, to run around. Later when we moved to 5 acres we could not keep him home. So he was tied up for years unfortunately until we invested in an electric collar which mostly kept him home, unless the battery went dead and we didn't notice.
    Several years ago Brodie had a grapefruit-size tumour on his shoulder and the vet said that he may or may not be able to take it out, depending on how it was growing inside. We opted not to do the surgery when we found out  from a friend about an amazing natural remedy called Essiac. I made up the tincture and poured it on his food. Within a month the tumour had shrunk down to nothing--- it was incredible! Developed by a nurse in Quebec, Essiac contains Burdock Root, Slippery Elm Inner Bark, Sheep Sorrel and Indian Rhubarb Root and was developed for use by humans but it saved Brodie's life, for a few years anyway.
     Pet deaths are hard on families but they are sometimes a child's first experience with death and so are also a teachable moment. The way we as parents mourn our losses can shape the way our children learn to cope with loss and death. Rituals which honour the loss and allow an expression of sad feelings work as well for pet loss as they do for human death. We will be having a memorial for Brodie on Sunday, rain or shine. 

Friday

     Have you ever had one of those days? Picked up Daughter #1 from high school after a seizure, picked up Daughter #2 shortly after for a playground accident, and then discovered that my credit card company had been sending my bills to my old address, which meant I wasn't getting them, therefore racking up considerable interest and putting my credit rating in danger. What a day!
     There are days however when my life seems so monotonous, so dreary, my chores like drudgery, that I can barely stand it. The endless laundry, food preparation, housework, filing, typing, scanning and photocopying, you name it, all seems so boring. And then you have a day like Friday. No dullness there---- just fear, anxiety, stress all piled on top of one another. I'll take boring please!
     One of the benefits of self-employment is that I can drop everything immediately to look after our girls. It has been a reality based on our eldest daughter's epilepsy that I have had to be able to swoop in, at a moment's notice, to pick her up and put her to bed for the duration of these postictal states which are characterized by headache, fatigue and sometimes nausea. And of course I hover around her for the balance of the day to ensure her health and well-being. My husband has to pick up the slack, work-wise.
     Even parents whose children do not have a chronic health problem know that when your child is ill, everything else becomes unimportant by comparison. There is no bigger deal than getting them well. When your child does have chronic health issues and/or extraordinary needs it is the thread that runs through your every day. One tug and it seems like everything else will unravel as well. If you see us running, we're just trying to keep it all together....