Social

      As I've previously noted NLD or NVLD or Nonverbal Learning Disorder is not an aptly or even helpfully named disorder. Our daughter is terrifically verbal sometimes to the point of frustration, if I'm being honest. The disorder's name refers to the inability to understand nonverbal communication rather than being nonverbal, in case you are unfamiliar with it. Anyway we have been returning to social situations such as going to church and family get-togethers. There our daughter's social skills can shine or not. Mostly they shine. She remembers people's names, the names of their children or pets, as the case may be, perhaps any physical ailments they previously mentioned. As a five year old she once walked up to the Rotary president's wife after meeting her at a previous meeting and said, "Hi Sheila! How is your arm feeling?" or words to that effect, noting now the absence of a cast on the lady's arm.

     Getting back to church is wonderful after being away and watching on-line. It's great to actually see one another in person finally. I heard from one of the church elders that our daughter had admonished her for getting up on a ladder when her husband wasn't home. This lovely woman, a retired school principal, agreed with our daughter wholeheartedly (she too was now wearing a cast on her arm) whereas I was not sure that our girl should be giving safety tips to this nice lady.

     Regardless of the label we give our various strengths and shortcomings, being in community with other people is important to us as human beings. As much as introverts like me enjoy being alone, it does us all good to hang out with others. And whether we're good at remembering people's names like our daughter is, or not (like most people) we can all benefit from the presence of others in our life. The pandemic may have shrunk our various social circles but it can also expand our appreciation of being with others, if we let it. 

 

Mums

     Every once in a while and not often enough, I get together with a couple of friends. We share a meal, maybe coffee or a drink and talk about our lives: our children, husbands, jobs and extended families. There is an easiness and a familiarity that makes these visits so appreciated by me. We laugh and sometimes cry but usually laugh. This time together is a treat that I look forward to profoundly. 

     We met at Special Olympics or Challenger Baseball I think. There are always many mums and dads at these games, bringing their kids, staying to watch, connecting with other parents and family members. The parents who volunteer as coaches are the ones I hold in the highest esteem. I am truly humbled by all these folks and their resilience and courage. Parenting a child who uses a wheelchair, leg braces or one who is profoundly autistic seems beyond my capabilities. This is where we met.

     The women I befriended have daughters like me; their girls have similar skills and challenges. And when the idea for a book club for our daughters came up we all agreed. It would be the perfect way to expand our kids’ reading skills, social skills and have fun at the same time. Brilliant eh? It is. Our daughter loves it and looks forward to our get togethers which have expanded to include birthday dinners and a Christmas cookie exchange. They are her friends. And by keeping it small we have kept it doable and relatively easy to schedule.

     I look forward to any chance that we mums have to be together. There is something about being with people who get it that is so comfortable and supportive. We talk about our challenges and our triumphs, the worries and the rewards of parenting disabled young women. It is not easy at times. But every time I leave one of these gatherings I feel lighter, brighter, more able. And that makes all the difference.