Precious

 

     There is no sweeter compliment that you can receive as a parent than when someone lets you know that your child is special to them. Whether by word or deed a person conveys to you that your child has made an impact on their life, you then feel something powerful: pride, validation, encouragement or even joy.  That is how I came to be sitting in my car in tears because a fellow volunteer at one of the thrift stores our eldest daughter helps at, gifted her with a wonderfully sweet memento, something precious that her mother had given her. I was so touched by her gesture. It is, like her, extraordinary.
     This also happens when one of your relatives makes a date to hang out with one of your kids or they invite them to spend time at their home halfway across the country. You cannot help but feel that you have done something right; your child has turned out okay, whether because of you or in spite of you!?
     Parenting these days is not easy. The word parenting did not even exist when I was a child, which tells you how old I am! And the old adage about it taking a village was never truer than it is now. There is so much pressure from so many different sources; it is relentless and often overwhelming. So when kind, wise and wonderful people, whether related to you or not, take an interest in your children, it is a special kind of compliment. It says, "You have raised a person I like to be around." And that these days, can be something amazing.....Thank you Ida!

Talk

     As a parent of a special needs child, the need for support is great but is not often available. The only folks who understand it seems, are parents of other additional needs children. We congregate at Challenger baseball games, Special Olympic practises, the odd specially arranged coffee here and there but the times that we can actually sit down for a few hours and share are few and far between. (Never was a cliche more exact!) When those times do occur they are hugely cathartic, much fun and very beneficial. It is never better than being with someone or a couple of someones who just get it; no explanation required, no question too silly or inappropriate, no remark misunderstood. There is just a feeling of being accepted and understood that defies explanation. You are with your peeps.
     Such was my experience the other day and although we did not solve the problems of the world, I certainly feel as though my load is a little lighter. There is something about being with other mothers (and fathers) that increases my sense of hope and gives me a feeling that everything will be alright, regardless of how things are going that day. More importantly, the opportunity for me to connect with other parents means that our eldest daughter is connecting with friends and acquaintances with whom she can be herself. What a gift for us both! There is no better feeling than knowing that you can be yourself; there is no pretense, no judgement, you are you and that is more than okay. Thanks friends!

Flower 2

     The little flower stall that our daughter is running has been such a success! She has enough orders and flowers to be busy almost every day. There is always watering and restocking of supplies to be done and as a silent partner in her enterprise, I am enjoying it a great deal. We made a little video for Facebook which was fun and being outside all the time is wonderful. The girls have taken to spending their afternoons reading a book under the big red umbrella.
     There have been some quiet afternoons but there has also been a triple digit day....$100.00 buys a lot of sunflowers! We have also seen some folks that we haven't seen in a while and reconnected with some neighbours. Unfortunately, we have lost some stock due to the plants being so big and tall and just falling over. Also the unrelenting sun has been hard on some of the plants, but such is the life of a business person. Our daughter is learning about the responsibilities of self-employment and how hard that life can be. Overall though it has been a lot of fun and has made for many steps on our respective Fitbits!
     I wanted to thank everyone for their support of our daughter and her summer project so far whether it has been through Facebook or by buying sunflowers or just by thinking of her. She has been enjoying her sunflower summer and is a year and a half seizure free. What else could we possibly ask for?

Flower

     One of the benefits of the social skills program that our eldest daughter participated in, instead of an over year, was the time she had to think about what she wanted to do in the future. She realized that she would like to work in the field of flowers, no pun intended. As an almost 19 year old our daughter has had little experience in this area except for what she has seen at home. I am an avid though not very good gardener; I am lazy with weeds but love to putter in the garden and find watering a welcome relief from the heat in summer. However it came to be, our daughter figured out that this is something that she cares about, something that she wants to do.
     With that in mind, we decided to attempt a very small entrepreneurial project over the summer: she would grow sunflowers and sell them. On April 25 we planted the various varieties of sunflower seeds that we had ordered from a local seed company. She has planted, watered and weeded and the results are spectacular! In our two raised beds she has grown several varieties of different sizes of sunflowers and they are incredible. From the smaller Teddy Bear sunflowers featured in a famous painting by Van Gogh to the massively tall Russian beauties, we have them all. They have been painstakingly cared for over the spring and now have bloomed, generously, gloriously laden with flowers.
     She has sold some and has found the experience positive and interesting. She could use a few more customers at this point but is not daunted. However this summer unfolds, it will be what it should be: an opportunity to learn; small steps forward in the journey.

Husband

     My husband likes to kid me and make jokes about the number of husbands I have had; he refers to my similarities with Elizabeth Taylor and references a joke that includes a large ship which I will not relate here as this is a family-oriented story. As true as these remarks may or may not be there is only one person with whom I wanted to have children and that is my husband.
     From the start he impressed me with his love and concern for his son, a child he raised with the help of family, since his son was one. When I met my husband, that son was almost 20 years old but my husband's affection for and pride in his child was unmistakable. That has not wavered in the almost 25 years that we have been together.
     Children love my husband and he loves them. If there is a baby in the room he will be holding her. If there is some fun to be had outside he will take part in it. If there is a game going on somewhere in the house, he will be playing too. He loves kids: their energy, their enjoyment of life, their imagination, their ability to be in the moment. Coincidentally those are all qualities which he possesses in abundance.
     When our daughters were babies he took them with him everywhere. When they woke in the night, hungry or needing a cuddle he was the first one there. Working anywhere but from home was difficult for him as he wanted just to be with them. Even as our daughters have become teenagers, he would still rather be with them than anyone else in the world.
     My husband is not without faults, even he will tell you that. When it comes to children though, he is the best husband and father, ever. And we know it! Happy Father's Day everyone!

65

     I found a cool inlaid wooden box with twelve compartments at a thrift store and as my husband is soon to have a significant birthday, his 65th, I bought it. I thought with his eight siblings and three children and I, we will fill those little compartments with poems and pictures quite easily, and he will have a lovely box. Of course the pages and pages I received, once asked for, were more than the box could contain, neatly anyway. I tried various ways of getting these pieces of paper to fit in the box but short of shredding them, it just wouldn't work.
     It was difficult for me to give up on the idea of the box; it was pristine. My heart was set on it. What to do, what to do?  Do something else of course. A memory box must become a memory book instead. However I don't like it when things don't turn out the way I want them to, but isn't that the way life is? Does everything turn out the way you want it to? Stuff happens. Big or small, some things we roll with better than others. It's how we handle these upsets and diversions that keeps things interesting; going with the flow makes life easier and probably longer too. I will endeavour to let things go. Really.
     Anyway the old guy will get a gift one way or the another. He will be happy either way. And isn't that what matters after all? Happy birthday Paul!

Walk

     Our older daughter participated again this year in the 20th Annual Special Olympics Walk-a-thon, their yearly fundraiser, in support of all B.C. Special O sports. It was a beautiful day weather-wise and an upbeat and wonderful day otherwise. Our daughter had spoken at her father's Rotary Club and as always the club was supportive and several of the members came out to walk with us. Our daughter had also garnered some very generous support from her aunties, a couple of whom also came and walked with her. So she had a friendly posse to accompany her through the park and we all benefited from the experience; walking and talking with nice folks in the sunshine is a great thing and when it supports a worthy cause like Special Olympics, we all win.
    As we strolled along the paths I could not help but look around at the diverse array of human beings around us. With every step I was slowly overwhelmed with a sensation that my body was overfull: full of pride for our daughter's accomplishment, full of love for everyone who came to support our daughter and full of gratitude for the opportunity to meet all these amazing people, people whom we would have never met, if not for our daughter and her disability.
     Again this year our daughter was recognized as being one of the top fund-raisers for this year's Walk-a-thon. As I watched her though, surrounded by old and new friends, and friends yet to be, I realized that it was not the money raised that was important, it was the richness of friendship, the comfort of community, a feeling of safety and welcome in a world that sometimes forgets who we are....