Daughters

      We are blessed with two wonderful, smart, caring, considerate daughters. They are adults now but there are still moments when looking at them that I catch a glimpse of the fun and fantastically funny little people they were once upon a time about two decades ago. And as much as I loved our lives when they were fresh on the planet, I also love knowing these two amazing, incredible and kind young women, right here, right now. And I would not change that for anything.
     It never fails to amaze me however, how much we are ourselves our whole life through. And I am astonished at how much we forever look like ourselves as well. The essence of who we are is always there. I can look at my eldest daughter’s hands and still see the little tiny hands that they used to be twenty years ago. And they're still busy, active, hard-working hands. Sometimes my youngest daughter will give a laugh that reminds me of the giggles we heard from her when she was a little girl; she's still mischievous. These young women are the same as they always were but different too; grown up.
     Sometimes I miss those little voices, those tiny hands and small feet. Life seemed simpler then; our problems were easier, the world a bit safer. Our daughters were there with us always and we could hold them. Now they are out in the world every day and it’s harder to protect them, even if we could. 
     Life is that story; the growing up, the moving out, the moving on, the ebb and flow of human existence. And amongst it all is that beautiful crazy lovely funny thing we call parenthood. What a blessing!

 

Dogs

     They say that taking a dog for a walk is like handing a new book to a human being: a fresh world to discover. According to The Washington Post a dog hanging out only in the backyard is like reading the same book, over and over again. With my family away, I have the keys to the library; I am in charge of the reading list! 

     Walking anywhere is good for you and walking a couple of dogs makes it even better. The fact that I am getting our pooches out for a sizeable stroll at least twice a day is making a difference to how I feel physically and mentally. I was expecting the exercise to improve my physical health but did not realize how much it would help me mentally. This time of year is not my favourite; the cold and gray depresses me. My garden is winding down and sunshine is hard to find. But getting out of the house early, the earlier the better, is really making a difference. 

     And it goes without saying: the dogs love it. Now that I know that every walk is a new book, I am challenging myself to take them on a different walk every single time. At this point I can say that I have been successful but of course there will come a day when we will run out of new options. Eventually though the old trails will smell a little differently. And by then I’m hoping that they won’t remember that they’ve already read this one.

Finn

     One of the benefits of family is meeting their friends and sometimes getting to know one or two of them quite well. We recently had the pleasure of hosting a friend of our younger daughter, a young man who I'd like to think has now also become a friend of ours. Circumstances had created the need for alternate living arrangements and we were able to provide that for several months. It's not easy to fall into a family and find a way to navigate all the ins and outs of group life in a family that's not yours. Our young friend found a way to do that without infringing on anyone's space or privacy and actually found a way to contribute. Whether by cutting the grass or reorganizing a cupboard, taking out garbage or walking the dogs, he found a strategy for adding to our summer rather than diminishing it in any way. 

     It can be challenging to be a good guest but he was up for the challenge and in fact, exceeded my expectations. We experienced the death of a young family member this summer and our friend was exceptional in his ability to empathize, to support, to listen and to understand. I felt heard; I think we all did and his recognition of our collective grief and sadness was a gift he shared generously. As any grumpy old lady would, I have sometimes wondered about the younger generations and their values. This young man filled me with hope and made me glad that we had space to share...thanks buddy. We miss you already!

Kezia

     Her name is the Hebrew form of the word cassia and means "cinnamon" and was the name of Job's middle daughter. It will always evoke for me sweetness, loyalty and spirit. At five years old and the youngest she was the very centre of their family, the one that everyone else big or small, looked out for.  As she twirled and whirled and ran like a tiny breeze in those dresses she loved, she was the epitome of light and life and love. Our entire extended family is unable to understand how she could be so fully with us one minute and gone from us the very next. I sat with her on a swing this past Thursday and we talked about everything and nothing. She did not stay still for long! But I knew from that conversation and from every other interaction that I have ever had with her that she would not want me to be miserable. Surely I think, she would want us all to smile when we thought of her. The trauma of her leaving us, all of us, for we were all there, although horrific, is unequal to the joy she brought to everyone upon whom she bestowed a smile. And forever and ever the smell of cinnamon, the face of a five year old, the kindness of a little one to another, the feel of a welcome breeze, will always make me think of her. That means that she will never be far from my thoughts. And I can live with that. I must live with that. 

    

Sunflowers

     Our elder daughter has been determined to grow sunflowers this year. She had a very successful roadside business in the past and although we have much smaller square footage here, we do have an opportunity to grow dozens of plants in our raised beds. Last year we suspect that rabbits ruined any chance of a good sunflower harvest so this year, we took advantage of our little greenhouse, got an early start and used every inch of garden we could to guarantee a bold return. A little fencing didn't hurt either. We are both excited to see what happens next. And the fact that the little seedlings were not bothered by the torrential rains or the little bit of hail we experienced recently makes us hopeful. The presence of a nearby bird feeder filled with black oil sunflower seeds means that we are never alone. Robins, chickadees, finches and even mourning doves make their presence known. And Mr. Rabbit is nowhere to be found. I suspect he found a more enticing spot without the possibility of our dogs making an appearance.

     Growing flowers, vegetables or fruits is never a sure thing, any farmer will tell you. And despite what those forget-me-nots poking up through cracks in the concrete might imply, the conditions must be right. Proper soil, sunlight, rain and care will not ensure success but will be very helpful.

     Whatever comes of our daughter’s efforts, we are looking forward to those blazes of yellow, orange and gold petals, those complicated yet simple centres, those broad green leaves and thick strong stalks. They're all gorgeous, generous and a patient gardener’s dream. And with a little help, luck and a few prayers we will be back in business, whether she sells any or not.

Robin

     As the first harbingers of spring, robins have always been one of my favourite birds. Their generous size, their gorgeous orange chests and their work ethic with worms have always impressed me. I love all birds and enjoy watching their quick and quiet antics in my garden. My garden is a place of many moods; joy, solace, wonder and sadness are all experienced there. Nature is a good friend when you need a quiet moment or maybe a distraction; there is always something to do. And as in a church, prayer seems to come naturally in a garden.

     When I learned that my friend Robin had died, my garden seemed like the best place to go. He was a man of wisdom, good humour and diligence. Getting to know him and working with him as wardens at Holy Trinity made me like him tremendously and respect and value his intelligence. He was a gentleman first and foremost, in every sense of the word. He was also a man who liked to walk and so I regret the pilgrimages Robin did not get to plan. It seemed to me that he was a man of vigour, with a great capacity to take on whatever life had thrown at him. Sadly none of us knew how short a time we were to have with him. Robin died in hospice care with his family around him. I miss him.

     One of  Robin's qualities that I most value was his ability to get us, his parish family, outside, which he did annually. We made a trek as a group with him as our leader, a Lenten pilgrimage, through parts of White Rock and South Surrey, meeting at the church and ending up there too. Robin charted our route and kept track of us all. These walks were an opportunity to forge new friendships and solidify old ones. The hot cross buns, tea and coffee waiting for us were a welcome treat after our walk and provided a time for fellowship. I appreciated how Robin was able to get us all together, walking for a few hours on a sunny spring Saturday and I know Hayley and her dog Stella appreciated it too. We will all miss him.

     Father Joe's prayer included in the notice of Robin's death resonates deeply with me this morning. It begins: " Father of all, we pray to you for those we love but see no longer...." Now every time that I look across the aisle to where Robin used to sit in church I will remember what a kind, wise and caring man he was. And I will not be alone.

Orchids

     I love spring, the season of spring. There is no confusion like autumn or fall, it's simply: Spring. It is a time of newness, of rebirth, of buds and flowers. There are few things that give me as much satisfaction as several flats of something to plant and a place to plant them. And I will find a place, or I usually do. A neighbour's old Japanese maple tree didn't quite make it into my yard but I tried really hard. But that's another story. And as much as I like gardening and flowers, I'm no master gardener. Some things make it and some things don't but I am okay with that.

     For some reason I have accumulated several (nine!) orchid plants over the years and to my delight seven of them are blooming at this moment in time. They live in our bathroom window, above the bathtub and I suppose between the diffuse light and the moist air, they are very happy. A little fertilizer is helpful as well I guess. I am not sure how I attained such a bounty of gorgeousness but they are truly lovely and unique in every way. I feel blessed to have a window framed in such beauty to gaze upon each day. And I thank all the nice folks who handed me their orchid plant, maybe not knowing if they would ever see them again....Here they are! Enjoy! I know I do.