Learning

     Sometimes conflict is our harshest but best teacher. As parents we are always giving advice, trying to smooth the way, attempting to make things easier for our children. Unfortunately, the clearest lesson usually is learning the hard way.
     When one of our daughters was having an issue with a classmate, we gave her advice and tried to give her the benefit of our wisdom, such as it is. We also encouraged her to handle it the way she thought best, even if that was not how we would handle it. So she did what she thought was right and afterwards wished she had done it differently. When asked to reflect on the experience, she was clear--- she wished she had slept on it and revisited the issue the following day.
    When our other daughter was having difficulty with someone on her bus, she was reminded to use the experience to gain some self-awareness. By giving this person another chance, she realized that this individual has some of the same learning difficulties she possesses--- it was a chance to look in the mirror and learn. Though they are neurologically based, her behaviours are sometimes seen to be annoying and inconsiderate. Now our daughter has a chance to see how people may view some of her actions, and do her best to try something else. She must learn to get along with the rest of the world, most of whom are not learning disabled. It is terribly difficult for her but this opportunity to be on the receiving end of some of her own behaviours was very eye-opening.
     Live and learn. Life is about learning. Sometimes we are conscious of the fact that we are gleaning new information; sometimes we are just pedalling madly, trying to stay afloat until the next wave of chaos strikes, without a chance to have that "a-ha" moment. Either way, we are doing the dance---just getting more out of it some days than others.

Daughter Again

     When our almost-ten year old was asked by the school librarian what her three wishes were she said, "That my sister wouldn't have any more seizures, that every day would be Anti-bullying Day and that I could have a German Shepherd puppy."
     That she is an absolute angel and a terrible perpetrator of squabbles goes without saying...she is human after all. That two out of three of her wishes would be directly linked to the welfare of her older sister speaks volumes about her character. She is a rare and wonderful creature; a person of style and substance; an amazing being who excels at doing and being...and can still drive me crazy with whining/complaining/squabbling of the highest (and lowest) order.
     I am of course, totally biased; she is our daughter--- an unexpected beauty who arrived 9 months or so after a particularly delicious 45th birthday dinner at a local Indian restaurant. The pregnancy was difficult; we were told that there would be a genetic anomaly resulting in grave health issues and physical abnormality. None of it came to pass. She is insurpassable. Hearts will be broken. I have permission to live in her basement when I am older, except when I have failed her in some way and then I do not.
     I refer you to my blog of 26/4/2012---Daughter. She is all that and more.