Rejection

                                                                         

     One of the hardest experiences of parenting an extraordinary needs child is witnessing their rejection by other children. Social success as a young person seems centred on being like everyone else. When you are different, this type of success is scant at best. When not being able to understand social cues, body language and  facial expression are part of the reason that you are different then not only are you unsuccessful but you are not able to understand why. The mystery is unsolvable; the clues are hidden.
     Our daughter has been treated extraordinarily kindly at times. An elementary school friend recently included her in a birthday dinner even though they attend different high schools in different cities; she took the time and made the effort to include our daughter. There have also been occasions of ignorance and rudeness perpetrated by girls who should know better. You expect strangers to let you down---you don't expect it from family friends.
     As a mother it is intolerable to me that these incidents occur; I find it wretched and heart-breaking. That my daughter continues to be cheerful, polite and caring in the face of this proves that she is the better person --- better than me certainly and better definitely than the unthinking, unfeeling person who has shut her out. Our daughter continues to prove by word and example what a truly exceptional person she is in every way. In the face of negativity, although she is hurt, she moves forward with a smile. That is why she is and always will be my hero, bar none.

Eleven

     Children are always changing, learning and developing sometimes right in front of your eyes. If you don't see a child every day sometimes you can't believe how tall they are all of a sudden or how mature they have become. Our nephew is a good example. He was a cute round faced boy and then it seemed that the next time I saw him he was a much taller, handsome young person with the face of the man he is becoming. So different, so fast!
     In the case of our younger daughter, I have really noticed how different ten is from eleven and I have the sense that twelve will also be a big jump in maturity, knowledge and interests. Our ten year old daughter wanted Lego for Christmas; at eleven she wants an H&M gift card. At ten, she wanted photographic proof that Santa was real; at eleven, she has her own theories about that guy. At ten, she needed nothing with her when she went out the door; at eleven, she remembers to bring her purse with her iPod, wallet and lip gloss inside. I used to read to her at bedtime; now she reads to me.
     As an older mother, these changes in my child are bittersweet. That she is older is true and that also means that I am not only older but old, as well. Sometimes there is a sore knee, a new wrinkle--- this week I have ringing in my ears which will not go away, a sure sign that deafness is right around the corner, according to the Internet. We all want our children to be smart, strong and independent and when you also have a special needs child that goal is ever present in your mind. However, I sometimes long for those crazy, hazy, baby days when just getting yourself in the shower and your baby out of her sleeper and into some real clothes was enough of an objective for the day. Now there are places to drive to, youth groups and dance lessons, movies and sleepovers, pizzas to pay for or pick up. Sometimes, just sometimes I wouldn't mind looking for that soother one more time...now where did I see that again?

Eggs

     Every year about this time, my chickens stop laying eggs. The hens are molting and consequently, they are expending energy on making new feathers and not on making eggs. It is a frustrating time for me because of course, they're still eating just as much as before but their egg output is ridiculously small. (Their other "output" remains the same of course!?) And so I don't have eggs for my customers and they have to go elsewhere. If you have ever had to eat store bought eggs after you have eaten free-range eggs, there is no comparison. You are now spoiled and cannot go back. Fresh really is best.
     This is also the time of year when it becomes clear that those cute little balls of fluff that hatched out in the summer are either hens or roosters. Hens mean more eggs which is good; roosters mean more morning noise which is not so good. Unfortunately, out of the ten pullets we have, three are roosters.  That is too much cockle-doodle-doo for us and also I suspect, for our neighbours.  We already have 4 roosters: Little Jerry Seinfeld, Kermit, Phillip and Benedict. What to do, what to do with an extra rooster or two, or six. Contrary to urban mythology, they are not good eating; I doubt that the whole bunch of them would even make one decent pot of soup. Also I am not in the habit of eating things that I or someone I know has named. Pets do not equal food. Anyway, have you ever tried to kill and then pluck any type of poultry? It is not my idea of a good time.
    So if you need a good rooster or even a bad rooster, look no further. Have I got a bird for you! And if you are an egg customer of mine or someone else's, be patient. Spring is coming---not soon mind you, but it will be here one day, and so will all those bountiful, beautiful, fresh, free range eggs.
 

     

Karma

     I lost a friend today. He was the person in the world who made me laugh more than anyone else that I have ever known and I will miss that; I will miss him. He lived far away in a place that I have never travelled to, but over the years he had made sure to keep in touch. When he was in Canada we saw him, ate dinner with friends and we laughed. He had a dry, acerbic wit that was without match and the ability to make everyone laugh at themselves. He had superb taste in all things: food, wine, art and furnishings. He liked nice things.
     I met him first when he was a business owner in the town I live in still. He and his partner sold beautiful artifacts, jewellery and baskets from Indonesia. At the beginning I was a customer but over time we became friends. I still own many lovely and unusual things from that country. Every time I looked at them, I thought of him and his friend, now my friend too. And I still will, except now the possibility of ever seeing him again no longer exists.
     The saddest thing about losing my friend is that it seemed as though he did not want to live. Alcohol was the vehicle of his demise. We have been talking a lot about living and dying in our house lately. Someone we know had tried to take her life. I asked our younger daughter about it. She said in a wise eleven year old way that she could never do that; "Life is a gift." she said to me as we stood at the bus stop.
     As we get older we understand that that is true but we also come to understand that for some people, in certain circumstances, it's often not that simple. All I know is that I will miss the fun that happened when he was in the room, the fragrance of Vetiver that surrounded him, his generosity and his ability to make me laugh until I wept. The world is truly a sadder place today. Miss you Mark!

Nanny

     What can you say about a lady who gets her ears pierced for her 100th birthday? She's a bright spark; a woman who never lets you forget how much you mean to her; a lady, gracious, loving, and funny. We met when her husband was suffering with multiple myeloma and I was their hospice volunteer. Our arrangement was that I would come by for a few hours on Thursday afternoons and stay with him while she went out for a little while to shop, have tea with a friend or just have a little time to herself. Her husband had bone cancer which is very painful, terminal but also can be interminable. He was in need of palliative care for years, most of which was supplied by his wife, cheerfully, continually, faithfully. They were a lovely couple--- grateful for my time and attention, careful and caring for each other. He and I spent time together on "projects"; we fixed things around the house, drank tea and ate sandwiches and chatted about life. I truly enjoyed the time I spent with both of them.
     What can you say about a lady who gets an iPad for her 100th birthday? She's a great grandmother, a grandmother, a mother, an auntie, a friend for life. She is loyal and honest, faithful and feisty, a person who can talk to anyone, a woman of unflinching courage. Once in a while you meet someone who is loved universally, by everyone they meet, the life of the party, the quiet centre of a family.What can you say about a lady like that? She's our Nanny!

Lonely

     Do you know anyone who is lonely? Maybe someone who seems to know a lot of people, but who does not feel any deep connection to any one of them and so therefore feels alone in their life?
      Most of us have felt lonely at one point in their life; for many of us it was the teenage years that proved to be the most challenging. At a time when kids are trying so hard not to be different from one another, it seems impossible sometimes to feel connected to others.
     You probably know a lonely person--- someone who would love to connect on a deeper level with someone else but also just be able to call and suggest a movie or a walk. You might know someone who has tried over and over to make connections with others only to not have the effort reciprocated. It's soul-destroying, confidence-depleting, self-esteem-lowering, hellish and hard to watch.
     Loneliness is a brutal thing. It is a heaviness which can pull anyone of us under, if we let it. For someone whose sense of self is already fragile, it is a burden of unbearable weight. It cannot be thrown off easily--- it can only be pushed away gradually with the help of a friend....

Virtue

     When have you ever seen a young grizzly bear, a gorgeous acrobat twirling from the ceiling, a martial artist breaking boards and a movie stuntman catching fire all in the same afternoon? Well we have, plus we got a delicious lunch! Our daughters and I had the good fortune to be invited up to the Virtue Studio Ranch courtesy of The Virtue Foundation and The Center for Epilepsy and Seizure Education in B.C.for Family Day at the ranch.
     While there we heard personal testimonies about the incredible work that The Virtue Foundation is doing to help marginalized and at-risk girls and boys. But mostly we got to see stuntmen doing crazy-dangerous stuff on motorcycles, quads and cherry-pickers, beautiful and scary martial arts demonstrations and just how much fun families can have when someone opens their amazing ranch up to kids with extraordinary and medical needs.
     It was tremendously encouraging to witness the giving that was done by these unbelievable folks who gave up their time to show kids what they do. Children and their parents got to forget about needles, tests and doctors appointments and just concentrate on fun. Our girls are going to be talking about this for a long time. Thank you Danny! Your last name says it all.