Parent

     Our eldest’s twenty-fourth birthday just passed which means I have been a mother for about twenty-five years. Twenty-five years of the most fun, the most rewarding, the most heart-stopping time of my life. (My husband first became a dad almost fifty years ago but that’s a different story for another day.)

     I never wanted children when I was younger. I had enough trouble looking after myself and so I thought that I would leave the child rearing to someone better equipped for that adventure. This changed for me in my late thirties, thank goodness! I wouldn’t have missed this for anything, literally anything. That’s not to say that there have not been challenges---- there have been terrible, unforeseeable hard times. But all in all I would not trade the experience of being a parent for any amount of money or anything else. For me, being a mother trumps it all, hands down. The chance to bear my girls, to feed them and know them and love them is something that I would never want to miss.

     Your heart cannot be broken if it has not loved; when we love others, we become vulnerable. I am thinking about my girls whether they are sailing halfway around the world or driving down a local highway. It is the price you pay for being a parent. The deaths and resulting grief we experience over the course of our lives only magnify our concern. They teach us that life is not fair; there are no guarantees of longevity for ourselves or our loved ones. All I know is that I am profoundly grateful for all of these twenty-five years, every day, every hour, every minute. I maybe didn't know it at the time but I do now.

    

Bill

     A long time ago when our youngest was still in elementary school, the girls started to go to a martial arts class along with their dad. It was held in a nearby school and they all really enjoyed it. They didn’t stick with it as it turns out, kids being kids and my husband’s work schedule being what it was. But a few lasting friendships were made and one in particular has lasted, until this very day. 

     Bill is a lovely man: soft-spoken, gentle, smart, with a marvelous sense of humour and a quiet and wise way about him. He was great with everyone at the karate class but I especially like how he was with our girls. Bill liked to make them laugh but it is the way he spoke and still speaks to everyone that so impresses me: respectfully, kindly and with natural empathy. When you speak to Bill you know that he is listening; his genuine interest is thoughtful and profound. He has always regularly called us and even brought lunch for all of us to our new home. He is a gentleman, in every sense of the word.

     Bill showed us the true depth of our friendship when he helped us move. It was a hellishly long and mucky experience; days and days, no weeks and weeks of slogging through ridiculously endless piles of building materials, farm equipment and whatnot. He showed up every day (along with a few other amazing relatives and friends) with his own dolly, gloves, weight belt and even his own lunch: cheerful, smiling and loyal to the end. He never complained or said a negative word. We didn't deserve him. He was my hero.

     Now we are losing Bill to cancer, an insidious, excruciating and odious end to a life that should have lasted at least twenty more years, contentedly and with a peaceful finish. I am angry and sad and bereft. I am not naive enough to believe that life is fair— it isn’t, but the wrongness of this looming death, too soon and too terrible, leaves me teary-eyed and breathless. We all love Bill. It is our privilege to know him and count him as a friend. 'Til we meet again old friend! 

Anxiety

     Our younger daughter finally got her driver's license after four years of trying. Her anxiety in the past was such that she couldn’t get through a driving test without vomiting, certainly all the way there and sometimes even all the way home. It made taking a test very difficult. Today she was amazing, keeping a perspective on the day and preparing for it in every way that she could. And although it was nerve wracking, she found a way to get through the experience in a positive way. She was willing to see the day as a victory, whether she got her license or not, simply because she was able to keep her nausea at bay. Her diligence paid off and she is now a new driver; independent, responsible and hopefully still managing her anxiety.

     I walked my stress away by prayerfully walking laps around the ICBC licensing building, much to the amusement of some of the people standing in line. These folks were trying to keep cool by staying in the shade and moving around as little as possible while I was doing something completely opposite: tromping around on the sidewalk and in the sun-drenched dust, around and around and around. I got about six thousand steps in the process and found it a rewarding way to spend the half hour or so of waiting. 

     Anyway the afternoon was a triumph for our daughter; her anxiety was managed and the end result was a long overdue ticket to independence. As we made our way home, making plans for a celebratory meal, I couldn't help but notice once again, what a difference a day makes....Thanks Ashu!

Challenger

     Nothing is more edifying and at the same time more sobering than attending a Challenger Baseball Jamboree. Of course there are moments of joy as well.  As a parent I am incredibly grateful for our daughter's experience; an event where teams have congregated from all over the Lower Mainland, Vancouver Island and elsewhere in the province. So many kids, young adults and their parents, coaches and volunteers braved traffic, ferries and other logistical challenges to represent their team, their region and their sport. The energy and enthusiasm of all the teams was wonderful and although the weather was completely different than what was forecast, the day went smoothly. 

     Any day that includes bagpipers, the singing of O Canada and Bob Brown Bear, the Vancouver Canadians baseball mascot is a great day in my book and one liable to move me to tears. While I watched our almost twenty-four year old sing the national anthem with her hand over her heart I considered the bumpy road that led us here. The diagnosis of an intellectual disability in tandem with epilepsy has been a struggle. And it could have been so much more difficult. My only complaint is that we did not know about programs like Challenger Baseball and Special Olympics before she was a teenager. It would have been amazing to build her confidence and expand her social circle when she was a little girl. Now we are so thankful that these programs exist at all and that our daughter can participate in them. As I look around and witness friends pushing others in wheelchairs, parent coaches encouraging players from the pitching mound and high fives that are generously given, COVID or not, I am reminded once again that life is good. The smile on our daughter's face says it all.

Blossom

      One day a little dog with one brown eye and one blue eye decides to go on an adventure. She is visiting and decides to check out the neighbourhood. She darts out of the house between the neighbour's feet and runs as fast as she can around the cul-de-sac out front. It's fun but it doesn't feel like enough of an escapade, so she runs right past the people who are calling her name and trying to catch her and runs to the end of the road. She doesn't stop there and makes a right turn onto another street. She keeps going and runs until she gets to a boulevard and she still doesn't stop.  She makes another right turn and runs past a senior's residence and a hotel and she still keeps running. She goes past a bus stop, past a roundabout, across a bridge over a big highway and then through another roundabout. A lady from the neighbourhood sees the little dog and wonders what she is doing. There are four lanes of traffic on this road and it is four o'clock so it is very busy. There are so many cars and trucks but still she keeps running.  Fortunately everyone slows down for her but they do wonder where she is going. Some of the cars and trucks stop and let the little dog go by. One driver of a big blue semi truck pulls over and waits to see if anyone is looking for her. When she gets to a set of traffic lights two kind people on bicycles stop and ask her where she is going. At this point the little dog is starting to feel a little tired. There is a driving range and a feed lot across the street and so many new things to see!  By this time a lot of people have slowed down and stopped to make sure that she is okay. The little dog decides that she has gone far enough. One of the kind people on a bicycle has a leash. They put the leash on her and a nice man with very blue eyes decides that he will take her to somewhere safe where she can be with other lost pets.

     In the meantime, people are driving around calling the little dog's name. Some of them are friends and some are neighbours but they have no luck until one neighbour in a car finds the lady who saw the little dog at the roundabout. She picks up her mother and they drive down the street, down the boulevard and past the second roundabout. There is no little dog there. While they are there they talk to the man in the big blue semi truck who saw her run towards the feed lot. They drive there but when they don't see the little dog they keep driving until they see a lady pulled over in a pick-up truck. They ask her if she has seen the little dog and she says yes. She says that many, many kind people slowed down and helped the little dog. Angels really. She said that a nice man was taking her someplace safe. This amazing woman had taken the nice man's phone number and gave it to the neighbours who were driving around. They called the nice man and he turned around and came back and gave the little dog to her new friends. By this time she had run a few kilometres and she was feeling quite tired. When she finally got home everyone agreed that it was a miracle that she was found. Everyone was so relieved that she didn't get hurt. Everyone was happy that there were so many nice people out there. The little dog agreed and had a big drink of water and decided that one adventure was enough for now. And her family was glad!

Birds 2

     A pair of chickadees decided that the birdhouse sitting on a low table beside our front door was a perfect place to nest this spring. The birdhouse is purely ornamental (in my mind anyway); I had painted it the same colours as our house and included our house number. Never mind that this is an extremely busy and noisy thoroughfare with humans and dogs going in and out at all hours of the day and night. I should have known that something was up when Stella was poking her nose in the birdhouse opening every time she came in the front door.

     Eventually, I too noticed that things were happening inside this little home; the back and forth flight of chickadees finally made it obvious. I realized that the birdhouse would have to be raised to keep out unwanted intruders. After fretting for about a day or so, I dragged a tall and skinny bookcase outside, put a few small plants on the shelves and prayed that the aspiring parents wouldn't notice that their residence had gone up a few floors.

     They either didn't notice or didn't care and now the sound of baby birds can be heard if you linger momentarily at our front door. I am thrilled of course, chickadees being my favourite and birds in general, a love of mine. To me there is no equal to their grace, beauty and all-around coolness. Anyway this little pair of bird parents made my day, my week, my month. And no, you can't see a bird in this photo--- you just have to take my word for it. They call that faith.

Stress 2

     Stress seems to have been the number one cause of our daughter's breakthrough seizures. Whether it was travelling, holidays, special occasions or just the daily rigors of school, stress seemed to be the most obvious trigger. As she is now over two years seizure free and we are hoping to beat her record, which was three and a half years without an episode, we are all doubling down on the stressors in her life.

     Life is stressful, let's face it. From the moment that we wake up in the morning until we drop exhausted into our beds at night we are battered and bothered by the stresses of life: health, family, work, finances, relationships, transportation, you name it. And while anxiety and other mental health issues are on the rise whether because of the pandemic or the issues of the world in which we live, it is no easy task for any of us to keep our equilibrium. 

     Our daughter does her best to balance work with play, chores with relaxation, the serious with the fun. Church, sports, fun with friends, travel and Stella all go a long way towards keeping that balance. Whatever happens my husband and I try to make sure that she goes to bed with a clean slate. We do our best to keep our daughter free from worry and ready to face another day. And of course, Stella helps us as much as she can! Never underestimate the power of pets to help keep us relaxed and happy....