Lonely

     Do you know anyone who is lonely? Maybe someone who seems to know a lot of people, but who does not feel any deep connection to any one of them and so therefore feels alone in their life?
      Most of us have felt lonely at one point in their life; for many of us it was the teenage years that proved to be the most challenging. At a time when kids are trying so hard not to be different from one another, it seems impossible sometimes to feel connected to others.
     You probably know a lonely person--- someone who would love to connect on a deeper level with someone else but also just be able to call and suggest a movie or a walk. You might know someone who has tried over and over to make connections with others only to not have the effort reciprocated. It's soul-destroying, confidence-depleting, self-esteem-lowering, hellish and hard to watch.
     Loneliness is a brutal thing. It is a heaviness which can pull anyone of us under, if we let it. For someone whose sense of self is already fragile, it is a burden of unbearable weight. It cannot be thrown off easily--- it can only be pushed away gradually with the help of a friend....

Virtue

     When have you ever seen a young grizzly bear, a gorgeous acrobat twirling from the ceiling, a martial artist breaking boards and a movie stuntman catching fire all in the same afternoon? Well we have, plus we got a delicious lunch! Our daughters and I had the good fortune to be invited up to the Virtue Studio Ranch courtesy of The Virtue Foundation and The Center for Epilepsy and Seizure Education in B.C.for Family Day at the ranch.
     While there we heard personal testimonies about the incredible work that The Virtue Foundation is doing to help marginalized and at-risk girls and boys. But mostly we got to see stuntmen doing crazy-dangerous stuff on motorcycles, quads and cherry-pickers, beautiful and scary martial arts demonstrations and just how much fun families can have when someone opens their amazing ranch up to kids with extraordinary and medical needs.
     It was tremendously encouraging to witness the giving that was done by these unbelievable folks who gave up their time to show kids what they do. Children and their parents got to forget about needles, tests and doctors appointments and just concentrate on fun. Our girls are going to be talking about this for a long time. Thank you Danny! Your last name says it all.

Daisy

     It has been a short while since we had our beloved pony Daisy euthanized and about that same time since we discovered nine little day old chicks had hatched out on top of the egg fridge outside. Our oldest daughter noted the going out and coming in aspect of life; the revolving door from which all of us emerge  eventually, onto the other side.
     It was a sad day but Daisy was almost thirty years old and it was simply her time to go. I had dreaded this day not only for the loss of our daughter's first animal friend but for the hole it would create in the life of Sinbad, our young Arab gelding who has lived with Daisy most of his life. Horses can become quite herd bound and adjusting to change can be hard. Was it serendipity or something else that granted Sinbad a new pasture to graze with a sweet little pony named Candy in the adjoining meadow, just on the weekend that Daisy left us.... Thanks to some lovely neighbours our Sinbad has adjusted nicely.
     Meanwhile the nine tiny balls of fluff have become eight little birds with noticeable wing feathers. We have no idea what happened to the ninth; predators abound on the farm, especially for little ones like these. We are so blessed to have the opportunity to witness both the miracle of birth and the inevitability of death. The first is a gift, the second, a certainty. Knowledge of both helps us to grow wise and strong.

    

Camp

     Our daughter has been assisted in attending camp for a week at Zajac Ranch for Children. This was made possible by the nice people at The Center for Epilepsy and Seizure Education in British Columbia and we are thrilled. There is of course nervousness and some trepidation on our daughter's part; she has never been away for us for more than a night. The packing began some time ago but has begun in earnest now; who knew that you needed so much stuff for 4 nights away?
     I feel fairly calm about the whole situation as she is going with other kids with epilepsy as well as with kids with other health and learning challenges. She will be safe. If she has a seizure there, they can look after her. They have done this before. See how calm I am?
     The card I sent some weeks ago (at the camp's suggestion) will ensure that she is reminded of how much we love and miss her while she is away. The self addressed stamped postcards we send with her will hopefully be returned to remind us that it goes both ways.
     Summer camp, trying to sleep in sleeping bags, singing songs around the campfire and eating too many smoky marshmallows should be a rite of passage; every kid should get the opportunity to know their capabilities in a safe outdoor setting. It can be a first taste of independence in a place where fun (and safety) is the number one priority.
     We hope our daughter comes home from camp with some good stories, great memories and even a new friend or two. She has this wonderful opportunity placed before her and it couldn't have been given to a more deserving girl....happy trails sweetie...we will see you soon!

Wind

      As each of her recent seizures result in greater injury  to our daughter, I find myself panicky at times. While she is home, I must know where she is, what she is doing, checking in, always checking in. The monitor gives some relief from worry at night. When she is at school, I check my phone constantly; when it rings I have momentary dry mouth, bodily anxiety as if I had drunk way too much coffee.
     As I explained to someone the other day, all we can do is increase the medication dose, make sure she is taking it, and is getting enough sleep, drinking lots of water, eating the right foods when she needs them and that she is not overheated or stressed. And we pray. A lot. At least I do.
     The seizures are getting milder and shorter. And we have room to increase the dosage on this medication. Our daughter is ever cheerful in the face of this challenge and we will walk beside her and hold her hand when she wants us to. We will pull in our oars and put up the sail. The wind blows where it wishes....
John 3:8

     

Smile

     As it was Mother's Day weekend, I was looking for flowers early in the morning to make a couple of small arrangements. We had a couple of events to go to and I wanted to bring flowers. I called the local flower market around 8 a.m. to see if they were open and then I called a nearby grocery store that happens to be in the opposite direction. After talking to both places I headed off towards the grocery store knowing that they would have less of a selection, flowers that were not as fresh and possibly a slightly higher price. Had I lost my mind in a few short minutes? No, what happened was the way I was greeted on the phone coupled with my past experiences in both these places combined to make my decision for me.
     The flower market has a brilliant selection of beautiful flowers, priced to sell; unfortunately the folks that operate it are generally sullen, if not rude. On the other hand, the grocery store is owned and operated by a friendly man who hires young and mostly cheerful young men and woman, some of whom have worked at this store for many years. He is always willing to donate something for the school market or the Christmas hamper. The flowers there are inconsistent and I rarely buy them. I do however go out of my way to buy my chicken feed, bread, meat and milk there. When given a choice I would much rather shop where my business seems appreciated and that is true of many places that I shop at on a regular basis. Costco and Walmart cannot be avoided it seems but otherwise I like to shop where the people who work there smile at me and thank me for my business. That's just the way it is.

Gratitude 2

     Our daughter and I just came back from an action-packed, completely inspiring and tiring choir trip to New York City. The feeling that I had upon our return home was one of immense gratitude: gratitude for the trip and the opportunities it gave our daughter, thankfulness for the chance that I had to be with her and all the other choristers and chaperones, appreciation for all the kindnesses that so many people showed us in helping us financially and otherwise, to make the journey and finally, so grateful for our home and the peace and closeness to nature that it provides.
     New York is a crazy, wonderful place full of so much of everything, everywhere, every minute of every day that you never for a minute consider that there is anything to get in its way. It goes and goes a mile a minute without regard for time of day or time of year. It is relentless. Don't get me wrong--- we had a blast, saw all the sites, ate lots of good food and the kids sang all over the place. From the Vancouver airport to the water taxi on the Hudson River; from the  9/11 Memorial to Strawberry Fields in Central Park, they sang. And they sang in Carnegie Hall, beautifully, while we watched, amazed to be there. It was a heady, heart-filling experience to see our daughter up on stage with so many gifted children and such a wonderful conductor, one that I will never forget.
     Another piece that will always stay with me is how well our choir director and her husband looked after us; they were tireless in their pursuit of our every need and patient with our every question. Even once home when our daughter had a small seizure in the airport, they were right there, cradling her head, looking for a wheelchair, helping right until the end. They too were relentless in their caring and concern for us all. Their kindness was incredible.
     New York was a grand and glorious adventure; we were thankful to go there, even more grateful to come home. And that's how it should be isn't it?