There are all kinds of loss; loss through death of course being the most final. But there are lots of other kinds of loss that can be just as hard to deal with; loss through divorce, moving, illness, dementia, pet loss, relationship breakup or breakdown, betrayal, and so on--- the list is endless. Losing a passport is not like having your dog die which is not like losing a parent. There are degrees of intensity in the experience of the loss and the length of time it takes to adjust to the new reality of life.
My husband and I experienced several pregnancy losses which, when you are trying to conceive, are devastating. The relationship with an unborn child is tender and tentative but the loss of that life along with all the associated hopes and dreams can be monumental.The loss of someone you know and love can be inconceivable, both in the magnitude of the grief and in the adjustment to life on earth without them. I cannot fathom how parents of a child who has died can go on. Somehow, some do --- most do. Comparing losses is never helpful however. Each of us have our own experience of loss which cannot be rated against another's; it is personal, individual and totally unique.
I think that it is important that children understand early that there are circumstances beyond their control; loss being one of them. At our house, we have always had funerals for pets who have died; we sometimes have released balloons for losses in our lives. Books like Lifetimes or The Tenth Good Thing About Barney can help children understand life and death and how it affects others. I think that often children have much to teach us about grieving; in their straightforward, uncomplicated ways of addressing their losses, using art or play to tell their story, they often show us the healthiest ways to mourn.
Loss is change and change is hard--- harder for some than others. There is security in the way we've always had it....changing that changes everything and then we have to change too. For those of us who like to plan and look forward, loss is the game changer. Finally, young or old, we all have to realize that death and change are a part of life. It's what we do with those experiences that can move us forward or keep us stuck in a mire of grief.
My husband and I experienced several pregnancy losses which, when you are trying to conceive, are devastating. The relationship with an unborn child is tender and tentative but the loss of that life along with all the associated hopes and dreams can be monumental.The loss of someone you know and love can be inconceivable, both in the magnitude of the grief and in the adjustment to life on earth without them. I cannot fathom how parents of a child who has died can go on. Somehow, some do --- most do. Comparing losses is never helpful however. Each of us have our own experience of loss which cannot be rated against another's; it is personal, individual and totally unique.
I think that it is important that children understand early that there are circumstances beyond their control; loss being one of them. At our house, we have always had funerals for pets who have died; we sometimes have released balloons for losses in our lives. Books like Lifetimes or The Tenth Good Thing About Barney can help children understand life and death and how it affects others. I think that often children have much to teach us about grieving; in their straightforward, uncomplicated ways of addressing their losses, using art or play to tell their story, they often show us the healthiest ways to mourn.
Loss is change and change is hard--- harder for some than others. There is security in the way we've always had it....changing that changes everything and then we have to change too. For those of us who like to plan and look forward, loss is the game changer. Finally, young or old, we all have to realize that death and change are a part of life. It's what we do with those experiences that can move us forward or keep us stuck in a mire of grief.
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