I was cleaning up our daughter's room after a recent birthday and found an envelope with the words "To a good friend" printed on it. This seems like a small thing I suppose except that our daughter has never been referred to in that way until very recently.
She has Non-Verbal Learning Disorder which has a multitude of social deficiencies attached to it. Suffice it to say, being considered a friend has been the most difficult task on our daughter's list. On the NLD website there was a question there that asked "How do you know if your child has NLD or ASD?" The answer read something like if your child has no friends and she doesn't care, then she has ASD. If she has no friends and she cares, then she has NLD. If that seems very over-simplified, it is. There are a myriad of differences, challenges, skills and attributes that differentiate Autism Spectrum Disorders from Non-Verbal Learning Disorder. The point here is that our daughter felt keenly the absence of quality friendship in her life. Don't get me wrong--- she had friends, but more as a result of what they did as opposed to what she able to contribute to a relationship.
Play dates were scheduled but the girls usually ended up playing with our other daughter who is four years younger. Our daughters play well with each other, but I suspect that has occurred as a result of our younger daughter's patience and knowledge of her older sister's idiosyncrasies. She made it work because otherwise they didn't play. But when our older daughter was almost thirteen years old, the game changed. Talk or conversation became the connecting activity and if there is one thing our daughter can do, it's talk. From the moment she learnt to say "hi", the world was a place to converse. Walking came late, crawling, not at all, but talking was immediate and constant.
I am hugely gratified to witness my child's growing ability to meet others, foster friendships and expand her skills for getting along in the world. These are no small feat for the most typical and popular of young people. "If you want to have a friend, be a friend." as my husband is fond of repeating. In the case of our daughter, it's all that and much, much more.
She has Non-Verbal Learning Disorder which has a multitude of social deficiencies attached to it. Suffice it to say, being considered a friend has been the most difficult task on our daughter's list. On the NLD website there was a question there that asked "How do you know if your child has NLD or ASD?" The answer read something like if your child has no friends and she doesn't care, then she has ASD. If she has no friends and she cares, then she has NLD. If that seems very over-simplified, it is. There are a myriad of differences, challenges, skills and attributes that differentiate Autism Spectrum Disorders from Non-Verbal Learning Disorder. The point here is that our daughter felt keenly the absence of quality friendship in her life. Don't get me wrong--- she had friends, but more as a result of what they did as opposed to what she able to contribute to a relationship.
Play dates were scheduled but the girls usually ended up playing with our other daughter who is four years younger. Our daughters play well with each other, but I suspect that has occurred as a result of our younger daughter's patience and knowledge of her older sister's idiosyncrasies. She made it work because otherwise they didn't play. But when our older daughter was almost thirteen years old, the game changed. Talk or conversation became the connecting activity and if there is one thing our daughter can do, it's talk. From the moment she learnt to say "hi", the world was a place to converse. Walking came late, crawling, not at all, but talking was immediate and constant.
I am hugely gratified to witness my child's growing ability to meet others, foster friendships and expand her skills for getting along in the world. These are no small feat for the most typical and popular of young people. "If you want to have a friend, be a friend." as my husband is fond of repeating. In the case of our daughter, it's all that and much, much more.
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