I just left my older daughter at a church youth group for the first time. Her cousin wasn't there yet, they were having a movie night and most of the group leaders were busily preparing for the evening's activities. It seemed as though there were 100 kids there. I pressed my epilepsy information, contact numbers, my daughter's health number and a brief explanation of my daughter's learning disorder into the youth pastor's hand; he jammed it into his suit jacket pocket and assured me that he had First Aid training. We hung around until the grade 8 girl group leaders showed up. They were busy and another lovely young woman introduced herself to us and chatted with us until we left, leaving my daughter, in her capable hands. I felt terrible leaving her, stressed and nervous in a situation where only one person knew anything about her. And as we drove away, I berated myself for leaving her, for not staying longer, for taking her there in the first place. And then we saw an ambulance head in the direction of the church....I could barely stand it.
Later, after she had arrived home, safe and smiling, I thought how silly my fears had been. There she was; she had had a good time, and had cake as well. And that is what usually happens isn't it? You worry, you imagine the worst and it does not happen. And God willing, it never will.
I have been reading about SUDEP, Sudden Unexplained Death in Epilepsy, which apparently accounts for the death of 1 in every 100 of people with severe seizure disorders. Even now, typing those words on the keyboard fills me with dread, as if the very fact of writing them, gives life to this collection of letters and picks a fight with them, to be fought later.
I know that I am a glass-half-empty kind of person--- there is no denying that. I also know that keeping positive thoughts, positive energy around you helps you and everyone around you. But I also know that knowledge is power and that power means knowing everything I can to help my child live the safest, healthiest, happiest life possible. And so I read, I investigate and I learn. The next time that she heads out the door, I remember what I know and I smile and I pray and I let go.
Later, after she had arrived home, safe and smiling, I thought how silly my fears had been. There she was; she had had a good time, and had cake as well. And that is what usually happens isn't it? You worry, you imagine the worst and it does not happen. And God willing, it never will.
I have been reading about SUDEP, Sudden Unexplained Death in Epilepsy, which apparently accounts for the death of 1 in every 100 of people with severe seizure disorders. Even now, typing those words on the keyboard fills me with dread, as if the very fact of writing them, gives life to this collection of letters and picks a fight with them, to be fought later.
I know that I am a glass-half-empty kind of person--- there is no denying that. I also know that keeping positive thoughts, positive energy around you helps you and everyone around you. But I also know that knowledge is power and that power means knowing everything I can to help my child live the safest, healthiest, happiest life possible. And so I read, I investigate and I learn. The next time that she heads out the door, I remember what I know and I smile and I pray and I let go.
No comments:
Post a Comment