A tough week...lots of tears and change and grief and did I mention the tears? It's particularly hard to deal with when the one crying is your "tough" daughter---the one who doesn't let herself cry or when she does, brings it home first so as not to let others see what she's feeling.
What can you do? When it's big changes at school, organizational issues that seem unfair, you can talk to the teacher, talk to the principal, write letters to the assistant superintendent, the school superintendent, the school trustees. It doesn't seem to be that effective at times but it surely is therapeutic and I recommend it highly.
I think the issue here is my little one's sense of self. Always seemingly confident and self-assured, when the news came that friends would be leaving her to go across the hall, she was devastated. And she still is reeling with the feelings, the grief and the sense of being left behind. No one wants to be left behind. The leaver usually has the excitement of change and a new experience. The leavee just gets left. And when you feel that you are the only one....
I have been trying to explain to my daughter the fact that grief is not just about losing someone who died; grieving is a reaction to all change and loss, big or small. When the biggest loss you've had is a pet fish dying, then it is hard to understand. Grief can feel big and big feelings can be expressed many ways. When I suggested that my daughter express herself through art, which she loves, she scrawled KMN in huge letters on her iPod screen. It stands for "kill me now" and wasn't exactly what I had in mind.
We'll get through it of course--- what else can you do? In the meantime, there's lots of hugs and time for talking, hanging out and letting it go. We listen to each other, love each other, pray and listen some more. It's in telling our story that we learn and grow and ready ourselves for other challenges. And there will be other bigger, sadder days ahead, God willing; other times when we are left behind. That's just the way it is....
What can you do? When it's big changes at school, organizational issues that seem unfair, you can talk to the teacher, talk to the principal, write letters to the assistant superintendent, the school superintendent, the school trustees. It doesn't seem to be that effective at times but it surely is therapeutic and I recommend it highly.
I think the issue here is my little one's sense of self. Always seemingly confident and self-assured, when the news came that friends would be leaving her to go across the hall, she was devastated. And she still is reeling with the feelings, the grief and the sense of being left behind. No one wants to be left behind. The leaver usually has the excitement of change and a new experience. The leavee just gets left. And when you feel that you are the only one....
I have been trying to explain to my daughter the fact that grief is not just about losing someone who died; grieving is a reaction to all change and loss, big or small. When the biggest loss you've had is a pet fish dying, then it is hard to understand. Grief can feel big and big feelings can be expressed many ways. When I suggested that my daughter express herself through art, which she loves, she scrawled KMN in huge letters on her iPod screen. It stands for "kill me now" and wasn't exactly what I had in mind.
We'll get through it of course--- what else can you do? In the meantime, there's lots of hugs and time for talking, hanging out and letting it go. We listen to each other, love each other, pray and listen some more. It's in telling our story that we learn and grow and ready ourselves for other challenges. And there will be other bigger, sadder days ahead, God willing; other times when we are left behind. That's just the way it is....
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