Low

   

     A tiny seizure, this one at home, safe on the couch, surrounded by family, over and done as quickly as can be....It's just another seizure. I guess though our daughter and I had high hopes for the latest anti-epileptic medication. So it was the first seizure in 24 days but it was also the first seizure of the new year, the first seizure on the full dose of the new medication and so we are disappointed--- so disappointed. Add to that the death of Grandma, the hospitalization of Nanny, the cold, the gray and illness and I felt brought as low as low could go....black and with no place to take it. God and I weren't talking.  I know, I know! Count my fingers and toes, my blessings--- I have a roof, I have food, what can I possibly complain about? Nothing, except some days contentment does not come easily. Intellectually I know that I should want what I have instead of having what I want but I don't want money or fame or even a new car. I want our daughter to be seizure free. I want her to be safe. I don't want her unconscious, even momentarily, anywhere but especially out there somewhere. I fear for her out there, vulnerable, unsafe, alone, unknown. I fear for her. And so it goes: we start over and count and pray and live our lives, day by day and so it goes.....